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Wednesday, December 9, 2009

to stay or go?

walking away is both easy & hard to do. easy in that the simpliest things can cause ppl to walk away & hard bc its not what we want to do but what you have to do. your suppose to be able to work through the heartache & still be there for one another in order to make the relationship stronger. sometimes fighting for love gets hard. it seems pointless at times.

how do you walk away from six yrs??? i tried. im so used to him that i feel incomplete without him. part of me's missing when hes not here. its crazy cause im the one who made it this way but i dont even think i can deal with it anymore. things changed & honestly it'll never be the same again. right now it jus seems best to let go but /we've been too strong for too long & i cant live without you babe/ lying to myself i aint going nowhere but somethings gotta give!

/we dont see eye to eye no more. i know love aint fair, i know it aint perfect....a part of me's scared a part of me's searching./

/for w.e. might of been, & all that it never was, w.e i couldnt see, & all that i didnt want/

as long as your trying ima

soooooo true!!!

Anyone you have sex with can be the father/mother of your child!

life since ept results:

being pregnant changes everything

although its a blessing or w.e. i hate being prego

i get kicked outta my sleep

wake up @ 3am to go to the bathroom or eat

no drugs when im sick wtf!?!?

big prenatal pills, iron pills, and vitamin d pills daily

this basketball sittin under my shirt gets in the way

no longer get gifts for myself everythings blue and all babified lol

but i mean all for my bundle of joy =) yayyyy me lol

def has it perks too

greatest excuse for school---drs excuse for months

i can eat w.e. i want whenever n not feel bad---all the icecream in the world

parents give me w.e. i want /they always did but now its easier/

i dont have to do anything at home they treat me like im handicap which is cool!

boobs finally get bigger!

but i cant lie im def excited for him to get here !!!

its crazy being in school while pregnant

eveyone knows ur buisness but its cool

everyone stares at my stomach

ask dumb questions like are you pregnant? while staring at my stomach

random ppl touch my stomach

wtf im not the first preganant person in the world

me n mr j since then

hmmmm crazyyyy

1 day is cool ily & roses

next day its hell

thinking bout saying goodbye to 6yrs...

decided to stay in school next semester

cant wait to party with my girls again it'll never be the same though =(

*six months & counting*

finally chose a name!

Kaiden Xavier B.
i love it!!!

Sunday, November 8, 2009


3.4 yayyy me!

ITS A BOY!!!!!!



Saturday, October 17, 2009


long time no blog...kinda busy with commuting this year & all....

anywho i finally started my practicum for my education major & i love it

im like a teacher assistant for this kindergarten class. the kids are sooo cute

there not really bad but this one girl Oooemmgee she blows my days but overall its great & i cant wait too teach!

ughhh bio suckssss i hate it!!! i literally study nonstop i fall asleep with my bio book like when will it get easier cause i def need an A!

omg i hate that the closest wingzone to my house is in clinton they def dont deliver to me!

my ex is the most awesome-est person ever & i love him sooooo much!

homecoming this year...well i didnt go but the weather sucked so i can imagine how it went....

think im gaining a little weight

done rambling now

blog later....

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

love in love or just lust???

knowing the difference between the three, love, lust, and being in love saves alot of unnecessary heartbreak. the differences are major although sometimes one may lead to the other. me myself, ive been in love once. my ex. loving someone is simply a natural care for that person. love is an emotional attachment. this love can be between friends family or pets. we all love and ive loved many times. im a naturally caring person and to me love its simply caring for someone beyond measures. having alot of love for that person. nothing more nothing less. you love someone because of how you feel, your in love with someone because of how they make you feel. just because you love someone doesnt mean your in love with them. it may seem cliche but when your in love you just know. sometimes you cant even answer as to why your in love with that person. its just because he makes you happy, the devotion to always be there for that person, and no matter what love them for who they are. an infatuation. you never second guess that fact that your in love you feel it each and every day. no one makes you happier. if for some reason the relationship doesnt work and you move on you will always love that person and continue to be there for them. being in love forms unbreakable bonds. lust is being strongly attracted to that person physically or emotionally. when you like someone alot. lust sometimes leads to love which can then lead to falling in love but lust and love can fade away where as if your are/were in love the love will always remain. its too easy to walk away...i may have lost the one i love, my crush/lust, but the one person i feel in love with is still there and i love him for that...

Monday, September 7, 2009

damn thats tough...

okay so when you mess up does that mean you have to sit back and take it when someone does the same?
like i kno i fucked up and i admit it but wtf can i do now? i cant do anything im pregnant im having a baby in march i cant change it.
but its like when/ if you love someone like truely love someone you dont move on within hours, days, nor weeks. it takes time. how the hell do you have a new future in a week like are you serious??? n i kno if you love someone you wouldnt hurt them n im so regretful sorry and remorseful for doing so but it still remains that i cant do anything about it. ive been through the long term relationship i know how it is to be hurt/get hurt n still love that person. its not easy to let go of something if you really fell that way about them. working through hard times only makes relationships stronger. but who wants to look dumb right?

Saturday, September 5, 2009

im pregnant.

sooo i recently found out im pregnant. SHOCKER. def wayyy unexpected. at first i had no idea what to do. i felt like i had no options other than abortion. i was afraid to go to my parents because of the dissapointment i had caused. i felt like i could jus deal wit it alone and be done with. as time went on it got harder and harder. i needed my family. i finally decided to talk to them. it was tough at first, of course they were angry, but they were there. my mother told me what ever decision i made I would have to live with it forever, no matter what decision it would change my life forever, and that no matter what she'd be there. i went to the doctor and got an ultrasound. i saw my baby, i saw the heartbeat, i saw the life inside of me. i cried at the thoughts of killing my baby. every life deserves a chance. its my actions that placed me in this situation so now its time to be responsible. relationships with some ppl have changed some for the better some for worse. at the end of the day everthing happens for a reason and god wouldnt put us through something we couldnt handle. i cant worry about anyone but my child now. guess im another teen statistic. taking a negative and making it into a positive. my baby will be here march 28 and i cant wait. hope i have a boy...

Friday, August 14, 2009


so i leave for school in two weeks cant wait to move in i love being at school i be bored a t home me my roomate from last year are living together with two of our other friends it should be fun because were all super close so yea cant wait class start the 31 ughhhh def not ready for that guess i should buy my books now lol but yea 10 more days cant wait! gotta keep this smile painted on for 10 more whole days thats gonna be HARD! <--thats what she said lol....but yea still trying to deal with that whole situation but its def getting harder day by day like i jus keep breaking down i cant take it like im starting to second guess myself now but idk why...i dont have any other choice so yea swear i think im gaining wait now too yay me =( of that im slowing growing apart from that one person. idk like i jus feel like i need time to myself i guess like i cant talk on the phone with him how i use too like i jus get so annoyed with everything he says but i dont think its him its def me i've jus been irritable lately hopefully he understands n i dont push him away i jus dont kno how else to go about it...anywho back to watching this baseball game {ohhh i was highly upset wit the redskins game the other day but the steelers had it though}


Saturday, August 8, 2009

on my mind--

so right now im going through alot
like im trying to get through it as best i can
but its getting harder and harder
like i feel so alone i know im not
all of my friends are here for me or w.e.
but i jus feel like im doing this by myself
mango frutistas and buffalo wings are my bf's
i feel like sh** everday allday
both emotionally and physically
the hardest part of all is painting
a smile on and walking around
like all is good. i feel horrible
for even being in this situation
i feel like a dissapointment.
i hope im making the right decision
i dont think i have any other options honestly.
trying my best to hold myself together
& keep from breaking down every second
hopefully everything works out for the best
ughhhhh i jus wanna scream why me...

>god talk to me now, this is an emergency<

Monday, July 27, 2009

my loves

So i want some new uggs i like the pink ones like these but the black ones too so idk i'll take either.......

OooEmmGee i so LOVE ^^^ this ring^^^ so much i want it!!!

Friday, July 24, 2009

i found this paper about me when i searched my name on google

So i found this paper about me when i searched my name on google i knew this girl in like the sixth grade and havent talked to her since its kinda funny though:

Melissa Belk
7th period


In the September of 2001, I was eleven years old, and the most frightening thought in my mind was of beginning middle school. I would be attending Graham Park Middle School in the fall, and I didn’t know what I was going to do with all those classes and all those teachers and all those people. I was scared of being overwhelmed and lost in the crowd. I was very shy, but I knew that if I made just one new friend, that I would be alright. Thankfully, during the first week I met Kennycia Harriston. Kennycia had just moved to the county and was as nervous as I was about being in a new school; we became each others support and confidant. For whatever reason, I felt like I could tell her all my fears about my academics and my place in this seemingly huge school, and she told me everything about where she used to live and how life was so different in Virginia. We were very young, but we connected immediately and became best friends.
Kennycia was my first best friend. I had friends, but I valued none more then the rest. With Kennycia, I needed her more then I needed my other friends. I felt that she “got” in a way no one else did. We loved talking on the phone and our favorite hang out was the Cavalier skating rink in Stafford. However, as the months passed, we discovered things we didn’t like about each other. I learned that Kennycia could be very mean spirited and bossy she would constantly say things that hurt my feelings. For example, one time in our science class, I remember Kennycia asking me to get her textbook for her in a rude tone.
“I am working could you just get it yourself,” I asked.
“Melissa, please,” Kennycia begged.
“Fine,” I then walked to the shelves, but I could not see hers any where so I went back to my seat.
“I didn’t see it,” I told Kennycia.
“What! Are you kidding me, it was right in front of your face!”
“Well I couldn’t find it,”
“Oh my God you’re so stupid,” I felt like Kennycia disrespected me by the way she spoke to me. Also, she realized I didn’t have a lot of time for her and couldn’t dedicate my whole life to our friendship. Kennycia would get extremely angry when we couldn’t hang out and it showed me how selfish she was, and that she didn’t really care about me.
Eventually Kennycia and I grew apart, but we grew up, too. I learned a lot from Kennycia, I realized I couldn’t let people take advantage of me or walk all over me. I was still very grateful to Kennycia for her friendship that year; I don’t know what I would have done without her. Our friendship meant a lot to me, but when we stopped being friends, I was able to finally see myself as an individual and focus on my own needs, not the needs of others. To this day, I am extremely proud that I am not one of the “crowd,” I am Melissa. I’m unique, and I found that out through the friendship, Kennycia and I had.

>>>Lol i am so not mEan & BoSSy<<<

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Friday, July 17, 2009

yellow roses w/ red tips.....

so this is my favorite rose/flower. a yellow rose with red tips. feelings and emotions are expressed through flowers. ever flower as well as its color has a meaning. a rose means love, passion, and/or perfection. a single rose is normally sent with a note. white normally saying im sorry, black saying its OVER, red being being a message of love and so on. a thorn-less rose means love at first sight. two roses intertwined mean marriage proposal. Dead Roses always mean its OVER. /thats tough i'd be in my feelings if a dude gave me dead roses lol/ a dozen of roses mean there are dozens of ways i care for you. two dozen roses means i think about you 24 hours of the day. red, yellow, pink, and white roses are the most common. red of course mean love respect and compassion. yellow means friendship and caring. pink roses mean affection flirtation and admiration. white roses symbolize truth and innocence; worth of. a yellow rose with red tips signifies friendship falling in love.
^^^i want some of these!!!^^^

Thursday, July 16, 2009

so theres this guy......

so this dude...his names S.C.S..... i met him at this party for a dude i used to talk >ironic< and my friend talk to his LB. He's pretty cool kinda like the perfect one or whatever. well maybe not perfect, perfection cant be achieved but the "right" guy. everything and everyone has their flaws. i accept his;he accept mines. He's funny, intellectual, talented, & patient. but hes a different type of guy though definitely not the average. like its just something about him or everything about him that interests me. idk its wierd because i wasnt expecting it to go this way. but i kinda lost control. & now its at the point where everything is all confusing. like i like him ALOT. i love him or but idk im jus so confused about what i want. like i dont know if im ready or not. i honestly think i'll mess it up. >its not always RainBowS &and ButtErFliEs its CoMpromiSe< maroon5. like i dont know if im ready to be in a relationship right now with so many distractions. like i dont want to take the risk of ruining everything between us like even as jus friends but i dont want to miss out on something so awesome. idk what do say or think.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

my names kennycia & im impulsive: lol

So basically im just trying something new out.
Another reason to be on the computer all day.

so life gets more confusing day by day. I'm learning new things about myself. like how impulsive i am. i like to do what ever i want to when ever i want to. sometimes i act upon my emotions. i get whatever i want allllll the time. i randomly get piercings and tattoos. one day i said i wanted my lip pierced, got it pieced the next day. i cut n dye my hair whenever i get bored. i have seven tattoos most of them UNplanned. so now im seeing how me being impulsive can jeopardize and even ruin certain things in my life.....well not really only when i decide im ready for a relationship. lol but honestly all in all i dont have a problem with me be quote on quote impulsive. my lifes fun. i enjoy it one hundred percent. if i wasnt "impulsive" as i am i think my life would SUCK! of course being impluse has its faults but we all make mistakes.
my names Kennycia, and im impulsive

lol. i love my life....oh btw LIP RINGS GONE NOW after like only a month i kinda want it back =(